I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
