Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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