Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
