So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
