Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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