Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
