Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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