The maid of honor just puked.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
