well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
