I hate your face
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
