you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
