So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
