i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
