got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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