You're completely useless in the revolution.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
