I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
