Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
