the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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