Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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