I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
