STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
