I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
