In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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