Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize