What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
