Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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