Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
