Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
