i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
