So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
