how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
