Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
