And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize