Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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