so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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