If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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