I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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