I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
