I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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