How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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