JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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