Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
