I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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