i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
