I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
