Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
