i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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