My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
