I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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