Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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