I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
