yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
