She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
