Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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