I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
