wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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