I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
