Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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