I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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