I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
