I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
