happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize