So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
