woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
