I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think my moral compass just broke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
