We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize