Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
