It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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