SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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