A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
