NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
