u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
