dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
