just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
