is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
