Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
