talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
