The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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