We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
