You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
