Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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