I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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