my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
