Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
